There were several verses that I read and wrote down which were so encouraging to me. A few of them were:
"When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor". James 4:10
"Only in returning to me and waiting for me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength". Isaiah 30:15
"But the Lord still waits for you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for him to help them". Isaiah 30:18
The main message of these verses is that we need to depend on Him and wait for Him to demonstrate once again His wonderful faithfulness, power and direction.
I had no idea at the beginning of August that the season of three random jobs would continue into the New Year. I didn't know that the day after my parents confirmed they were coming to visit, my father would instead have major heart complications, followed by an emergency quaduple bypass and then be diognosed with cancer which would all greatly effect his althritis.
In this season, relationships changed, lonliness crept in and exhaustion would often take over. There were several times that I would cry either on my way to work, or way home...or both ways. Yet, there have been some absolutely beautiful things within this season.
To highlight on those beautiful things, the number one greatest part was God's constant presence. Lonliness has been an on/off struggle of mine since I moved to Texas 8 years ago but in those lonliest times, God has been so faithful to remind me of his constant presence. He has held me like a beloved several times and encouraged me through His Word. I have often crawled into His lap like a child in the lap of her father and felt His loving arms surround me. In the anticipation of waiting to hear about the severity of my own father's surgery and later cancer diognosis, His gentle whisper of love and reassurance brought peace. Like Mary, I ran to His feet and wept on several occassions and every time He would remind me that His thoughts and ways are higher then mine.
In many ways, I believe this season has been a test of my own character, dependence on Him, finding my identity in Him, feeling His love through the support and encouragement of friends as well as a day by day decision to trust Him. There are definitely days I feel like I am failing the test when I look at my bank account or get more bad news about my dad but I understand that God is patient, loving, kind and in His desire for us to be like His son, He will continue to provide opportunities for our faith to be tested.
Another of the most beautiful parts of this season has been the motherly love of several women I know through BSF. They have consistently prayed for me, checked in to see how I was doing, asked about my father, sent notes of love and encouragement, celebrated the victories and allowed me to cry through the struggles. One of them in particular has loved me consistently and with a depth I have only felt from my own parents. She has watched me cry, celebrate, struggle, push through and try day by day to depend on God. I'm in tears now thinking about how dear she has become to me and how honored I have felt these past few months to know her. She has shown me what it truly means to love Christ and love others not only by words but by demonstrating it. Words cannot describe how thankful I am and how deeply I cherish her in my life. Thank you dear friend.
At one point I wasn't sure I wanted to write a newsletter of this past year but in the end I realized that in failing to do so, I would be missing an opportunity to boast about all the good God has done this year and the many ways He has blessed me. I have been through challenging seasons in the past and reflecting back on them now they have been the most character shaping, lesson learning and depending daily on God times of my life. I wouldn't have wish those seasons away and even now, I'm trying to embrace the wilderness I still find myself in. I don't really know what my next few months will look like but I do know for sure that God will be with me every step of the way reminding me to trust Him and read His Word to see His many promises.
To end, a friend sent me this story below to encourage me and I found it quite timely:
Survivor:
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames; the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happenend; everything was lost.
He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal" they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lost heart because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
- Author unknown.
This picture was the sunrise on my way to school one morning. So beautiful!
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